Gibbs: Don't let history repeat itself!

Yesterday, in the waning minutes of the Redskins abortion of a game against hated conference rival the Philadelphia Eagles, it occurred to me that the finger of blame needed to be pointed somewhere. Could we point to the fact that Clinton Portis needs to take things more seriously and stop dressing up like a salsa dancing Chinese woman? No, he led the league in rushing yesterday behind a decimated offensive line. Could we point to Jason Campbell not living up to the expectations when he was drafted in the first round? No, he had a hell of a game yesterday with 3 touchdown passes. Could we even point to the defense that gave up the easy scores by the Eagles? No, they were beyond banged up beyond recognition. There is only one place to point the blame. Joe Gibbs. Now in his fourth season, Gibbs has made absolutely no progress and this team is likely to finish the season without a winning record for the third time in his tenure. When he was first hired, many were apprehensive, because it seemed as though there was no way he could ever be fired for the entire city would turn on management. Guess what, they were wrong. Opinion about Gibbs is dropping faster in DC than a Tri-Delt’s panties on senior formal night. The game has obviously passed him by and he is quickly wearing out his welcome in our nation’s capital. In order to maintain his legacy and avoid the embarrassment of people making facebook groups entitled “100,000 strong supporting the firing of Coach Gibbs” Gibbs should step down. Joe really needs to look back at history and see other examples of people wearing out their welcome to see what awful things could end up occurring to him if he sticks around too long.

The Original Vivian: Fresh Prince of Bel Air

You all know exactly what I’m talking about. She was the darker skinned Aunt Viv who was the college professor, strong willed, and really skinny. She lasted for like 3 or 4 seasons when all of the sudden she was replaced with no explanation by the lighter skinned woman who also was a housewife. Why did she wear out her welcome you might ask? Hmm, let me see, maybe because Fresh Prince of Bel Air was on NBC where the closest thing they have to a Black lead actor was that Exterminator on Seinfeld. Viv threatened the white audience. In fact, the exact moment that led to her ultimate dismissal can be identified. It came when Aunt Viv volunteered to teach the African-American history class at Bel Air Prep and all the rich white kids, who were for some unexplained reason really interested in learning songs that slaves used to sing, asked Professor Banks for an example. The moment Aunt Viv led the class in singing, “Wade in the Water” it was over. The next season NBC replaced her without any explanation to the audience by someone who looked completely different and was much less threatening. I love it when shows do this, do they really think their audience is that fucking stupid that they won’t even question the fact that there is an entirely different actor in the show. This shit happened on Roseanne too when they threw in Sarah Chalke to play Becky. That was the most unbelieveable shit, who would ever believe that that hottie could come from Dan and Roseanne Connor, that shit pisses me off.

Anna Nicole Smith

This is another bitch who wore out her welcome in the hearts of Americans. This former Playboy playmate and major motion picture star was on top of the world back in 1994. She had just starred in the critically acclaimed hit Naked Gun: 33 1/3 as the whore girlfriend (pretty big stretch) who as it turned out (spoiler alert) was packing a dong piece. However, all of this success meant very little to her because the real success in her life was that she had finally found true love! In 1991, Cupid shot his arrow at Anna Nicole and he shot it fucking hard! They say love finds you when you least expect it, however Smith proved to be an exception to this rule as she found love in the most conventional of ways. One night, while stripping at a Houston area club, a man was pushed into the club while sitting in his wheel chair. In the middle of her dance, Smith had to stop as her eyes met those of this man, J. Howard Marshall, who, if he were able to walk, would easily be mistaken for a Greek god. It was love at first sight. Coincidentally and entirely irrelevant to their relationship, it turned out Marshall was a multi-billionaire. Anyways, they got married and lived happily ever after. After 13 months of blissful marriage, the couple hit their first roadblock in their relationship…Marshall died. Somehow, Smith was able to get over her grief of the loss of her soul mate and ruthlessly fight his children for his money. She ended up getting a good portion and went onto more great things, such as starring in the Anna Nicole Smith show where she spent most of the time on her fat ass screaming at the camera about how she wanted chocolate. We were also fortunate enough to have her in our lives for those Nutri-system commercials. She was fucking everywhere. Unfortunately, earlier this year, God was jealous that we got to enjoy her talents for so long and he wanted to be entertained by her as well, so he took her away from us. Some say she died from too much weight loss supplement. However, to this day I hold that the real reason she died was because of a broken heart. Finally, she is reunited with her one true love J. Howard Marshall in heaven. Please don’t cry because our time with Anna Nicole is over…smile because it happened!

As you can plainly see, the precedent has been set for Joe Gibbs. Get out now on your own terms or be subject to replacement by a lighter skinned, less threatening man/die due to overdose of nutritional supplements.