Friday, October 19, 2007

"I am not a role model"

Charles Barkley very astutely pointed out years ago that he was a basketball player and not a role model. Many criticized him for this stance saying that he was in the public eye and so many kids looked up to him and idolized him, however he really did not want to be responsible for raising the children of America. It's a pretty good thing too because a couple years later he went ahead a threw a guy through a plate glass window at a strip club.


As much as athletes may not want to be role models they are, and if kids are looking up to these guys, then I truly fear our future. I'm not quite sure what it is with athletes these days, whether its the increased media coverage exposing their warts or just the failure of the public school system, but I really have to wonder what is going through some of these guys minds.

Andray Blatche Washington Wizards

This guy really is one of a kind. Drafted in the second round of the 2005 NBA draft straight out of high school in Syracuse, Andray showed a lot of promise with the Wizards. Unfortunately, his prowess on the court did not transcend into other aspects of his life. Those aspects include everything other than basketball.
Andray's rookie year in the league got off to a rocky start. He was unable to compete in training camp, but the circumstances weren't quite like those of most athletes who miss out on the training period. He didn't have a sprained ankle or broken collarbone or even an ACL injury. No, thats right, he was recovering from a gun shot wound. Apparently he decided to consort with the wrong crowd (Peter "Party" John Ramos) and after leaving a club the two 7-footers were car jacked and Andray was shot. Sure, this was not Andray's fault, however this was not the only blemish on Blatche's resume.

Over this past offseason, Andray was excited. Last season Blatche put up strong numbers and looked to be extremely improved. It looked as though he would get quite the pay hike which should have made everyone happy right? Wrong. Teammates went on record seriously concerned about what Andray would do with his new found fortune. They saw just how quickly he would run though his salary when he made $400,000/year and they did not know what this new found wealth would produce. During the past two seasons there have been reports that Andray was spotted in the Verizon center late at night. Was he practicing free throws with Gilbert? Nope, he was living there. Thats right, he couldn't afford his rent because he had spent all his salary elsewhere and was in effect a homeless professional basketball player. Imagine getting a paycheck for about 10X what you get right now and not being able to cover your cost of living. Honestly, what the hell is this guy buying? There are only so many tires on your car that need rims! I really don't think I could spend all that money if I tried. This was all a mystery until August 2, 2007 when we got a good look at exactly what he was blowing his money on. Or better yet, how his money was blowing him.

Sports talk radio was buzzing, Andray Blatche was arrested for soliciting a prostitute around 3am. Your initial reaction is probably, whatever even Hugh Grant got a hooker. But in a world where NBA groupies are everywhere with documented cases of women digging into trash cans to find dirty condoms after sex to try to get themselves pregnant with an NBA player, why they hell is Blatche cruising the streets of DC looking for some skank. Pretty smart guy.

Ron Artest Bulls/Pacers/Kings/Tru Warrior:



Everyone knows Artest from his Malice at the Palace fame and even from his fledgling rap career when he asked his coach in Indiana if he could take the first month of the season off so that he could rest up after his offseason of promoting his rap album. But many people do not know about his first offseason in Chicago when he attempted to do some moon lighting.

Artest, obviously a huge fan of music was not content at all with his speaker system in his car. He was also not content with the price Radio Shack was charging for the speakers that he so desperately coveted. So, with his $1.1 million salary plus endorsment, Ron Artest applied for a job at Radio Shack in the offseason in order to get the employee discount. In addition to this under references, Artest listed Jerry Krause, general manager of the Chicago Bulls. When Radio Shack called Krause for his reference he informed them that it would be a breach of contract for Artest to work there and lit into Artest.


Kwame Brown Washington Wizards/Lakers

Boy, can the Wizards pick em. Drafted first overall in 2001 Kwame was dubbed as a savior for the Zards. Michael Jordan was going to sculpt him into an absolutely amazing talent. Problem was, the Wizards didn't factor in that not only had this kid ever lived in a town with more than 200 people in it. He was also a fucking retard.

Kwame came into the league at the tender age of 18, the same age that most of us move onto college. At that point in our lives we are deemed able to fend for ourselves, keep ourselves healthy and live normal lives. Kwame is not like most of us. Early indications were out there when Brown was forced to miss a game due to food poisoning. Oh, thats not that bad you might say, however it was how he got poisoned. Apparently its not all that healthy to eat KFC for every meal for 2 straight weeks, especially when you are a professional athlete. Now I knew certain people in college who ate nothing but Oyster crackers, cereal, and waffles for every meal, however by no means were they professional athletes...well, ok, he did play a varsity sport but it was golf, come on people, you don't need to carb load for that.

Kwame actually succeeded in topping himself later that year, when the Wizards finally came to grips with the fact that they needed a full time babysitter to teach Kwame how to live. The first time the babysitter went to Brown's house she saw a pile of suits lying in the corner, must have been 30 or so of them, all brand new. When she asked Kwame why they were in the corner of the room she quickly found out that he did not know you could wash them and would simply buy a new suit every time he had to wear one. Again, I must really commend our public school system, especially in Georgia, Kwame's home state.


Finally there was the case of the birthday cake fight. On teammate Ronny Turiaf's birthday, Ronny, Kwame and other teammates were walking the streets of Hermosa Beach, CA celebrating. That is until a man carrying a 2X2 foot cake came walking up looking to take a picture with Turiaf. Brown saw this and came running up, snatching the cake from the innocent man and pelting it at his head. Kwame fled the scene but was later identified by the man, shocker the 7 foot 250 lb long corn rowed Brown was not able to blend into the crowd. Brown logically explained that he thought the cake was actually Turiaf's and that he intended to throw it at Ronny. I really am glad that this model citizen is one of the higher paid individuals in the world, it really does show that hard work really pays off. God Bless America.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I would just like to point out the obvious that these "role models" are all black, and in all honesty, no one should look up to a black guy.
Secondly, I find it hard to believe that everybody's real model - Elijiah Dukes aka Dave was not on the list.
And yes, I do understand that it is solely for basketball, but c'mon Elijiah is a God among men.

Anonymous said...

I find it interesting that you think no one should look up to a black man, so world leaders such as Nelson Mandela and Martin Luther King Jr should not be looked at as role models? Who would you prefer your kids look up to instead? Adolf Hitler maybe? Give me a break...

Anonymous said...

I find your ignorance amuzing (first Commentor) as you run along to your next KKK meeting keep try and think before you act, and turn on your TV and listen to the most intellegent Candadite US has had running for the presidency and also think about many other Black athletes which are amazing role models!! I dont even want to start mentioning names because I could on for ever!!

Cheers to a world free of ignorant idiots such as yourself!

Anonymous said...

I find your spelling and grammar AMUSING. I'm not saying I disagree with your sentiments, but if you can't articulate yourself in a more mature manner, no one will ever take your arguments seriously. Good effort though.