So I'm sitting in my office talking to my buddy about college basketball and how much Georgetown sucks, when he utters the unforgiveable words, "Well you know I'm a real big Duke fan." Of course I vomited in my mouth, swallowed (like all good girls should) and walked away vowing to never talk to that piece of shit again. Honestly, how can anyone be a Duke fan. I have a friend that goes to Duke grad school but still hates everyone that supports the basketball program. But then I got all philosophical and shit. Why? Why do I hate the fucking Blue Devils, lets take a look.
#5 Ugly cheerleaders
Let's set the mood. You go to an ACC school in North Carolina, a part of the country that boasts some of the hottest girls in the country. And you trot out these "girls" that look like mythical creatures to give your team support. Honeslty, what was the recruiting trip like for a guy like DeMarcus Nelson. I'm envisioning the scene from "He Got Game" where Ray Allen gets to bang the two porn stars at Tech U, only when Nelson is let in by the older Chris Duhon there is one cheerleader who has got to be a deuce and a half with ratty bangs and a retainer, and the other girl has chronic acne, an extremely lazy eye, and a wooden leg, and I'm not talking about the high class type of prosthetic leg the girl in Deuce Bigalow had, I'm talking hardcore pirate peg leg shit. For real though, I thought Georgetown had some pretty busted cheerleaders, but Duke takes the cake. No wonder those lacrosse players wanted to rape that stripper, you would too if these girls were your other option.
#4 Cameron Crazies
When I was younger, its sad to say, but I really really wanted to be one of the Cameron Crazies, who are for the layman the student body that camps out for days in advance to jump up and down and cheer for the Devils. However, as I got older I began to notice just how "cool" that the Crazies really were. Sure its pretty cool to see the entire student body section jumping up and down together in unison, but have you ever seen the kids that make up this section? If McLovin were Asian and there were about 500 of them, then that would be the Cameron Crazies. Lately the cheers that they have cheered have been good hearted in nature to the point of being lame, "Who's your Daddy, Battier" comes to mind. But back in the day they weren't always so nice. Take for example back in '89 when UNC had a player named Scott Williams who suffered the death of both parents due to your run of the mill murder-suicide. How do the good natured and good sports Cameron Crazies greet him? "Or-phan, Or-phan." Sure, I laughed the first time I heard that shit, but that doesn't make it right.
#3 The players
So, I'm watching the UNC-Duke game a couple weeks back and I seriously thought I was watching Texas Western going against Kentucky in the movie "Glory Road." Honestly when was the last time that a team in the top 10 in the country ever had 5 white guys on the court at one time? Even Utah when they were sick backin the late '90's with Keith Van Horn had their token Black guy in Andre Miller. But nope, Duke can trot out Scheyer, Paulus, Zoubek, King,and Singler. All corn fed white boys who honestly have no chance of ever making an impact in the pros but they can shoot the lights out. You know what else they have in common? 
They are all fucking doucebags. I mean its not their fault. Its just the type of player that Coach K recruits. Look in the past going all the way back to Christian Laettner, Bobby Hurley, Cherokee Parks and recently to JJ Redick and Josh McRoberts. They are all fucking douchebags who love to smoke the reefer (Laettner and Parks) and love to drive drunk and/or high (Redick and Hurley). Real fucking winners they have there. Nothing gets me angrier than when the Hitler youth of Duke slap the floor to get ready to play tough defense. Honestly, what are the chances that JJ Reddick didn't beat his girlfriend. You know that Josh McRoberts was at that Lacrosse party, come to think of it he probably was the one that dragged that stripper to the bathroom and in order to keep bad publicity away from the golden basketball team, Duke officials placed all the blame on the lacrosse team. Sure it seems far fetched, but you know that shit definitely happend.
#2: Coach K
You know this smug fuck from all his American Express commericials, from his nasily interviews,
from his passive shots at other coaches and from his retarded Polish name Krzyzewski which of course is pronounce "Che-chefski." I think the Black equivalent of Coach K's name is spelling your son's name JaTrian and pronouncing it John. Its just plain retarded. And honestly, how can you respect a coach who just sits there on the sideline looking like a rat and just works the officials for the entire game, then complains about how they weren't getting calls. And just look at how this fucking Polack coaches his players. You would think that Gordon Bombay was coaching the District 5 retards in Mighty Ducks (before they got uniforms) the way they take dives and fake injuries to get calls. Also, who was coach K sucking off when they named him head coach of Team USA. This guy gets 2-3 McDonald's All-Americans every year and what does he do with them? Loses in the second or third round every year. Georgetown has had 14 McDonalds All-Americans in the history of their program, Duke has 8 on their roster this year. Mark it down, Duke will barely advance past the Sweet 16 and has no chance whatsoever of going to the final 4. Kzyzewski is overrated, a rat, and (probably) a rascist.
#1 Dicky V
Am I the only one who was hoping that Vitale would die from the throat cancer or whatever it was that he had that kept him out of the first three months of the season. For a guy who has no affiliation with Duke whatsoever, Dicky V somehow is super fan #1. Sure he claims he is an impartial and unbiased commentator but did anyone see the Duke-Maryland game last week where they panned to the crowd to show Vitale's family? Of course they were all wearing JJ Redick and Greg Paulus jersies. In my life I have never seen a commentator more in love with a player than Vitale was with Redick when he was at Duke. Vitale couldn't announce a game between teams like Illinois and Iowa without talking about how Redick should be the number 1 pick in the draft. There's no doubt in my mind that if given the opportunity, Vitale would take his glass eye out of his head and let any Duke player, past or present, eye socket fuck the shit out of him. Can't you just picture that shit, "JJ, you're awesome baby!!! Go DOWWWNTOWWWN" as Redick, obviously high and drunk, violently thrusts in and out of Vitale's eye hole ultimately culminating with the fertilization of Vitale's bald dome. I mean come on, Redick is smart, he doesn't want to get Dicky V's brain pregnant.
#5 Ugly cheerleaders
Let's set the mood. You go to an ACC school in North Carolina, a part of the country that boasts some of the hottest girls in the country. And you trot out these "girls" that look like mythical creatures to give your team support. Honeslty, what was the recruiting trip like for a guy like DeMarcus Nelson. I'm envisioning the scene from "He Got Game" where Ray Allen gets to bang the two porn stars at Tech U, only when Nelson is let in by the older Chris Duhon there is one cheerleader who has got to be a deuce and a half with ratty bangs and a retainer, and the other girl has chronic acne, an extremely lazy eye, and a wooden leg, and I'm not talking about the high class type of prosthetic leg the girl in Deuce Bigalow had, I'm talking hardcore pirate peg leg shit. For real though, I thought Georgetown had some pretty busted cheerleaders, but Duke takes the cake. No wonder those lacrosse players wanted to rape that stripper, you would too if these girls were your other option.#4 Cameron Crazies
When I was younger, its sad to say, but I really really wanted to be one of the Cameron Crazies, who are for the layman the student body that camps out for days in advance to jump up and down and cheer for the Devils. However, as I got older I began to notice just how "cool" that the Crazies really were. Sure its pretty cool to see the entire student body section jumping up and down together in unison, but have you ever seen the kids that make up this section? If McLovin were Asian and there were about 500 of them, then that would be the Cameron Crazies. Lately the cheers that they have cheered have been good hearted in nature to the point of being lame, "Who's your Daddy, Battier" comes to mind. But back in the day they weren't always so nice. Take for example back in '89 when UNC had a player named Scott Williams who suffered the death of both parents due to your run of the mill murder-suicide. How do the good natured and good sports Cameron Crazies greet him? "Or-phan, Or-phan." Sure, I laughed the first time I heard that shit, but that doesn't make it right.#3 The players
So, I'm watching the UNC-Duke game a couple weeks back and I seriously thought I was watching Texas Western going against Kentucky in the movie "Glory Road." Honestly when was the last time that a team in the top 10 in the country ever had 5 white guys on the court at one time? Even Utah when they were sick backin the late '90's with Keith Van Horn had their token Black guy in Andre Miller. But nope, Duke can trot out Scheyer, Paulus, Zoubek, King,and Singler. All corn fed white boys who honestly have no chance of ever making an impact in the pros but they can shoot the lights out. You know what else they have in common? They are all fucking doucebags. I mean its not their fault. Its just the type of player that Coach K recruits. Look in the past going all the way back to Christian Laettner, Bobby Hurley, Cherokee Parks and recently to JJ Redick and Josh McRoberts. They are all fucking douchebags who love to smoke the reefer (Laettner and Parks) and love to drive drunk and/or high (Redick and Hurley). Real fucking winners they have there. Nothing gets me angrier than when the Hitler youth of Duke slap the floor to get ready to play tough defense. Honestly, what are the chances that JJ Reddick didn't beat his girlfriend. You know that Josh McRoberts was at that Lacrosse party, come to think of it he probably was the one that dragged that stripper to the bathroom and in order to keep bad publicity away from the golden basketball team, Duke officials placed all the blame on the lacrosse team. Sure it seems far fetched, but you know that shit definitely happend.#2: Coach K
You know this smug fuck from all his American Express commericials, from his nasily interviews,
from his passive shots at other coaches and from his retarded Polish name Krzyzewski which of course is pronounce "Che-chefski." I think the Black equivalent of Coach K's name is spelling your son's name JaTrian and pronouncing it John. Its just plain retarded. And honestly, how can you respect a coach who just sits there on the sideline looking like a rat and just works the officials for the entire game, then complains about how they weren't getting calls. And just look at how this fucking Polack coaches his players. You would think that Gordon Bombay was coaching the District 5 retards in Mighty Ducks (before they got uniforms) the way they take dives and fake injuries to get calls. Also, who was coach K sucking off when they named him head coach of Team USA. This guy gets 2-3 McDonald's All-Americans every year and what does he do with them? Loses in the second or third round every year. Georgetown has had 14 McDonalds All-Americans in the history of their program, Duke has 8 on their roster this year. Mark it down, Duke will barely advance past the Sweet 16 and has no chance whatsoever of going to the final 4. Kzyzewski is overrated, a rat, and (probably) a rascist.#1 Dicky V
Am I the only one who was hoping that Vitale would die from the throat cancer or whatever it was that he had that kept him out of the first three months of the season. For a guy who has no affiliation with Duke whatsoever, Dicky V somehow is super fan #1. Sure he claims he is an impartial and unbiased commentator but did anyone see the Duke-Maryland game last week where they panned to the crowd to show Vitale's family? Of course they were all wearing JJ Redick and Greg Paulus jersies. In my life I have never seen a commentator more in love with a player than Vitale was with Redick when he was at Duke. Vitale couldn't announce a game between teams like Illinois and Iowa without talking about how Redick should be the number 1 pick in the draft. There's no doubt in my mind that if given the opportunity, Vitale would take his glass eye out of his head and let any Duke player, past or present, eye socket fuck the shit out of him. Can't you just picture that shit, "JJ, you're awesome baby!!! Go DOWWWNTOWWWN" as Redick, obviously high and drunk, violently thrusts in and out of Vitale's eye hole ultimately culminating with the fertilization of Vitale's bald dome. I mean come on, Redick is smart, he doesn't want to get Dicky V's brain pregnant.
3 comments:
No relevance to the post but figured I'd share...
www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com
(as safe as this blog if at work)
Chris vowed to boycott that site after Bryen from Mistur Greenjeans made it as a douchebag many saterdays ago.
First of all, I have no idea who this "Chris" is that you speak of. Second of all, it is true, I no longer go to that website Barry because there was a picture of Hot chicks with "Greengenes douchebag" and then went on to talk about how his mohawk was gay and so and and so on, I don't want to really get into it because it just makes me upset.
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