After nearly two years of investigation, George Mitchell is going to deliver his findings in his investigation concerning the use of performance enhancing drugs at a press conference tommorow, Thursday December 13th. This proves to be a pivotal moment not only for those involved in the investigation but for the sport of baseball as a whole. First off, I find it incredibly unbelievable that a member of the board of the Boston Red Sox can complete an objective investigation, take for example the leaking of the Indian's Paul Byrd as a member of the list back during the ALCS when the Indians were playing, surprise surpise, the Red Sox. Also, I would be shocked to see a member of the Red Sox on the report outside of former Red Sox who were in no way involved in the '04 or '07 World Series runs (Nomar will probably be on the list.) Others likely to be named include Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Roger Clemens, and the big daddy of them all Barry Bonds. Many baseball purists hate Bonds with a passion, they have rushed to judgment and demand that an asterisk be beside Bonds's name in the record book for both his 73 home run season and for his all time home run total. Marc Ecko, famous for his comfortable and roomy *ecko ultd. men's wear bought the all time record breaking home run ball and allowed the fans to determine whether he would put an asterisk on it forever. They agreed that Bonds was a cheater and now an asterisk is engraved in it, while it awaits placement into Cooperstown at the Baseball Hall of Fame. All this talk of cheating got me to thinking, have there been any other members of society that have cheated at their profession? Sounds like another Top 5 list to me! So here they are, the top 5 cheaters in the history of time:#5 Danny Almonte
You guys remember this little bitch right? He was the kid from Brooklyn who was that stud pitcher in the Little League World Series back in 2001. In an effort to weed out the kids with pubes, the Little League placed an age limit of 12 on players involved in the games. As it turned out Almonte was 14, apparently his parents couldn't count, which is surprising because you would have figured they would have mastered this skill after years of selling burritos and mowing lawns. You're probably sitting there in the bathroom stall at work after printing this out thinking, 14 is no big difference from age 12. Well thats where you are wrong, faggot! Shit changes. Fuck- when I was 12 the only hair I had was coming out of my head, by 14 I had sprouts everywhere, including a fucking sick looking mustache that my Aunt Michelle called her "pussy tickler" whatever that shit means. Irregardless, this shit was wrong, that little fucker needed and his team full of kids who couldn't even speak English all got what they deserved, disqualification and a one way ticket back to Mexico.#4 St. Francis Academy Sister Act II
Come on, don't pretend like you don't remember this movie, you know you watched this shit and even have done the rap that "Sketch" and Frank-K aka Frank-wigger do during the final performance at the State competition, you know what I'm talking about "You down with G-O-D? Yeah you know me!" Anyway, this shit is a classic, from Lauryn Hill to "Oh Happy Day" sung by that Muslim kid, this movie had everything. You know what else it had? Thats right, cheaters. While all the other schools at the other competitions were taught by Nuns and gay choir directors, the St. Francis kids were directed by "Sister" Mary Clarence who in actuality is Vegas showgirl. This is unfair and bullshit, however I also find it hard to believe that she was a showgirl in Vegas, honestly who would ever go to see her strip in Vegas? She fucking sucks and shes busted. Anyways, the class would have been nothing without her whorish teaching and that is why they are #4 on this list.#3 Lattimer: The Program
If you haven't seen this movie, stop what you are doing right now and go see it. You think I'm fucking around, I'm not, leave work right now and go rent this shit. This movie has it all, however the most important character in the movie is a man known simply as "Lattimer." This guy is the ultimate competitor, in the offseason alone he put on 30 pounds of muscle to earn "a place at the table" on the Wolves defense. Unfortunately, as a blogger, I must do the duty of reporting both sides of the story. It appears, from the scenes where Lattimer injects himself with a substance to the scene where he rams his head through a plate glass window to the one where he nearly rapes a girl 1/10th of his size to the most telling scene where he has some hippie inject his bladder with "clean" urine that Lattimer may be using steroids. I don't want to rush to judgement because to be honest, Lattimer is the man, bottom line. However, in this case I think we can safely say that he did cheat to gain an edge.#2 Biff: Back to the Future II
#1 Nicole Brown Simpson
Why did you do it Nicole? You guys had such a great life together, he gave you everything you ever wanted! You had two kids, an amazing house, your husband was the Juice! And you had to go and throw everything you had away! With what, some busboy?? Are you kidding me?? You were Mrs. Juice but that wasn't good enough for you was it? It's been proven beyond a reasonable doubt that OJ Simpson did not kill Nicole, however to be honest, I would have understood if he had. Honestly, marriage is a sacred thing that should last a lifetime. Nicole cheated on OJ and cheated on the holy sacrament of marriage. I'm not gonna sit here and declare that she got what she deserved but come on.....Who do you think I missed? Leave comments as to who are other notorious cheaters.
6 comments:
how about everyone who sat next to or near tony bensen during the 2002macro-economics final?
How about only the self-proclaimed greatest cheat of all time - Mr. Wesley Wyvil, I thought he created cheating.
how about the barry bonds of hooking up
While everyone sitting near the bensenater during Myers's macro final could be nominated, there is only one winner, and that would be you Willmill - its not often you get one of your best grades in college in a class you went to once all semester. Congrats!
As for WW - he truly is a pioneer, hiding crib sheets under your belly is perhaps the most original technique, topped only by Julia R.'s American sign language class where the teach was deaf so the kids just put pencils in their mouths during tests so the teacher couldn't read their lips as they cheated.
Also anonymous aka Meggo - had this been a list about stealing or getting girls - Barry Bonds would have been # 1, but its not, everyone knows Barry was Academic All-American and didn't need to cheat!
That makes Tony the Victor Conte of economics. Since I sat behind Tony in HS economics his correct test answers showed me how great ECON was, and that one day maybe I could actually be able to take the tests w/o cheating. And of course, Victor (Tony) was able to keep WW from having to use the belly method in Andreassi's class.
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