Remember me?
I apologize for not writing on this site for nearing 2 months now, and yes Barry Bonds, one might make the case that it has a lot to do with Ned's passing, some 28 years ago. However the real reason is that sadly, I have sold my soul to corporate America. I'll try to update this more often in the near future.
A lot has happend since we last visited. I bagged a 44 year old cougar with kids who were 20 and 18 years old. High point in my life to say the least. Every day I try to do something which would make my parents proud, and I'm pretty sure this one act covered me for the entire year. The good news is that 21 days from now I'll have another prime opportunity with the official opening of the Summer on Memorial Day at the beach. However, in the meantime, I would like to discuss something that I feel should be a major concern to all Americans. Something that threatens us every day as we go to sleep at night. Something that has terrorized Americans, young and old. Of course I am talking about none other than Tila Tequila. Here we go, with a long anticipated top 5 list, the top 5 reasons why you should hate Tila Tequila:
#5: Tila Tequila is not that hot
Come on guys, call me racist or whatever you want to call me, but Tila Tequila is not that hot at all. She looks like a fucking mouse and that is a fact. Not only is she not hot, but she is obviously also a whore. Sure Tequila is not her Christian last name (more on that later) but come on is she really looking to just be some second rate low budget hooker or what? I mean, shes not even fucking Spanish! Where the fuck does all this Tequila business come into play. Now for the sake of full disclosure I must point out that I have seen Shot of Love II a few times (Can anyone else believe she didn't find love the first time around!?!?) and I just love all the butch dykes that are one the show. Do they honestly think that they have a fucking chance with Tila? Sure there are the token hot lesbians who are pretending to be gay just so they can advance their modeling career, but then there are the hardcore carpet munchers with the fucking overalls and mustaches. They seriously have as much chance of winning Tila's heart as a Black girl ever has at winning the Bachelor. Which is something else that I think is hilarious. I love in all those reality shows when the Black girl is the first to get kicked off and the Bachelor/Bret Michaels inevitably states some bullshit that he just didn't have a strong connection with them. If I were the bachelor I would just hand them the honest truth, "I know they say you can't get AIDS by sharing a toilet seat, but they also thought the world was fucking flat for like a million years." But, I digress.
#4: Tila Tequila is not American
Call me crazy, but I'm old school. Either you're with us, or you're fucking against us. How do I draw my line, you ask? I would like to refer you to a good friend of mine, you might know him, his name is Bruce Springsteen. Springsteen once wrote a little diddy entitled "Born in the USA" and I live my life by it. You know who doesn't live by this ballad?Hitler, Kim Jong-Il, all of Africa, and oh, I don't know TILA TEQUILA! Shockingly Tila Tequila was not born with that name, in fact her real name is Thien Thanh Thi Nguyen, which I guess, if you speak terrorist kind of sounds like Tila Tequila. She was born in Singapore where her parents had moved to from Vietname, which naturally means that she has razor blades hidden in her vagina.
Look for the top 3 next week....let's go Wizards
